re·spon·si·ble adj.
1. Liable to be required to give account, as of one's actions or of the discharge of a duty or trust.
2. Involving personal accountability or ability to act without guidance or superior authority
3. Able to make moral or rational decisions on one's own and therefore answerable for one's behavior.
4. Able to be trusted or depended upon; reliable
5. Having the means to pay debts or fulfill obligations.
6. Required to render account; answerable
I am really tired of having this word shoved in my face so I will address it as I currently stand. I have been irresponsible, I have been a bum, I can make excuses and give reason but i won't, I will just move on.
1: I take responsibility and hold myself accountable for all my actions, both past and present and will continue to do so, in fact I feel the lack of personal accountability to be one of the issues of todays society.
2: I work, both profesionally and personally, without supervision. LOL I live alone and manage all my household chores without someone telling me to, at work I handle my work load and ask for more again on my own. This one sorta makes me giggle.
3: I feel my decisions recently have been both moral and rational. I have taken every chance I can to help those who have hurt me, I have make every effort to choose a moral and "right" approach with my children regarding our families current issues. Again I have had set back, I have not always acted like this and recently, within the last 6 months, I have been irrational at times and made bad decisions, see #1.
4: I feel I am trustworthy and reliable. I would not be the one to comment on this so will just have to say I make every effort to do what I say I'm going to do, I make every effort keep my word, and I make every effort to honor trust that is given me.
5: All my debts, well my cable bill is behind, are paid, I have the means to pay them and I do. I budget my money, granted not real well recently but its getting better, and have found that after some changes I generally have some spending money. Kinda funny how I lose income and seem to have more money. hmmmm <dr evil look>
6: I have already addressed.
So As far as I can tell I am responsible, hasn't always been that way but it is now, so stop trying to rub my nose in a pile that isn't mine.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Adult Children
Why must I deal with adult children? What has happened to dealing with your issues or problems or responsibilities and when did ignoring them become an option?
Seriously folks what is so hard to understand here? Someone asks you a question you don't really want to answer, well as far as i can tell you have a number of options off the top of my head, answer the question and get it over with, tell the person you don't want to answer the question and not to ask it, tell the person you will answer later, answer the dumb question... Notice, ignore the person didn't make the short list. Here is what i have seen from personal experience.
1:Ask someone a question
2:the someone doesn't like the question, doesn't want to answer the question, or doesn't want to tell you the answer to the question
3:the asker, receiving no reply, asks again (and depending on how important the asker feels the question is this could turn to frustration which could lead to bad stuff)
4:again ignore
5:viscious cycle repeats until someone gets pissed.
Example, Asked the mother of my children if I could have my monitor back and the pawn slip so I can get the xbox (please note I have her monitor, a cheapy, she has my monitor 1080p with multiple video inputs, as well as our 40" tv, she likes to be able to play on her pc and watch tv at the same time, I have no tv at all and cant hook her moinitor to anything but a pc. I would really like something for my children when I see them on the weekends). She suggested I hang with the children at her place since she has everything.
She doesnt like the fact I told her there was someone I wanted my kids to meet and stops talking. So at this point I have no idea if she is going to continue holding my monitor hostage, if my xbox has defaulted in the pawn shop, if I'm suppose to bring the kids over to her place, etc. This is a big deal to me as I get frustrated when I think I'm not doing everything I can for my kids, and I feel that this is something so simple and dumb, trading the monitor would do nothing, her PC cant even use my monitor effectivly, except allow me to hook up other things to the monitor so My kids have options when they come over, oh and her bf won't be able to play ps3 when she's watching tv (is this leading to a me me me rant).
No reply no idea whats going on, nothing, which frustrates me.
Now here is what her ignoring the issue has done when you break it down
A:I am frustrated to the point of pulling out my hair, I'm confused because it seems like such a simple thing, I'm hurt because it feels like she is trying to punish me but only hurting her children, and I have texted her and her mother way too many times attempting to get an answer
B:She is hurting her children and causing pain to people for no reason other then she doesn't want to deal, wants to hurt me, wants power, whatever her reason is. (not easy guessing what someone who is slightly insane is thinking)
C:My kids suffer, thier parents have yet another rift driven between them, they will be without that comfort (ya thats not alot but it is there and a big deal to a kid), the kids mother shows a sorta callousness towards them that is completly unfathomable.
So looking at this as far as I can tell the kids suffer, not me (not alot at least) and not her (not at all). Moral of my rant? Beats me, take care of your shit, face your responsibilities, its always easier and better to deal then run. And remember your kids, and that your comforts, your wants, your desires do NOT come before those of your children.
Seriously folks what is so hard to understand here? Someone asks you a question you don't really want to answer, well as far as i can tell you have a number of options off the top of my head, answer the question and get it over with, tell the person you don't want to answer the question and not to ask it, tell the person you will answer later, answer the dumb question... Notice, ignore the person didn't make the short list. Here is what i have seen from personal experience.
1:Ask someone a question
2:the someone doesn't like the question, doesn't want to answer the question, or doesn't want to tell you the answer to the question
3:the asker, receiving no reply, asks again (and depending on how important the asker feels the question is this could turn to frustration which could lead to bad stuff)
4:again ignore
5:viscious cycle repeats until someone gets pissed.
Example, Asked the mother of my children if I could have my monitor back and the pawn slip so I can get the xbox (please note I have her monitor, a cheapy, she has my monitor 1080p with multiple video inputs, as well as our 40" tv, she likes to be able to play on her pc and watch tv at the same time, I have no tv at all and cant hook her moinitor to anything but a pc. I would really like something for my children when I see them on the weekends). She suggested I hang with the children at her place since she has everything.
She doesnt like the fact I told her there was someone I wanted my kids to meet and stops talking. So at this point I have no idea if she is going to continue holding my monitor hostage, if my xbox has defaulted in the pawn shop, if I'm suppose to bring the kids over to her place, etc. This is a big deal to me as I get frustrated when I think I'm not doing everything I can for my kids, and I feel that this is something so simple and dumb, trading the monitor would do nothing, her PC cant even use my monitor effectivly, except allow me to hook up other things to the monitor so My kids have options when they come over, oh and her bf won't be able to play ps3 when she's watching tv (is this leading to a me me me rant).
No reply no idea whats going on, nothing, which frustrates me.
Now here is what her ignoring the issue has done when you break it down
A:I am frustrated to the point of pulling out my hair, I'm confused because it seems like such a simple thing, I'm hurt because it feels like she is trying to punish me but only hurting her children, and I have texted her and her mother way too many times attempting to get an answer
B:She is hurting her children and causing pain to people for no reason other then she doesn't want to deal, wants to hurt me, wants power, whatever her reason is. (not easy guessing what someone who is slightly insane is thinking)
C:My kids suffer, thier parents have yet another rift driven between them, they will be without that comfort (ya thats not alot but it is there and a big deal to a kid), the kids mother shows a sorta callousness towards them that is completly unfathomable.
So looking at this as far as I can tell the kids suffer, not me (not alot at least) and not her (not at all). Moral of my rant? Beats me, take care of your shit, face your responsibilities, its always easier and better to deal then run. And remember your kids, and that your comforts, your wants, your desires do NOT come before those of your children.
Friday, June 3, 2011
walls
walls rise protecting me from pain but blocking the light,
the comfort of mental bricks and mortar of misery sealing me within,
no touch, no sight, no sound, alone,
the only way to keep what little bits of fragmented sanity remaining,
blind and alone, pain, misery, regret and longing my companions,
old friends, my only family as I try to fight a losing battle against myself.
the comfort of mental bricks and mortar of misery sealing me within,
no touch, no sight, no sound, alone,
the only way to keep what little bits of fragmented sanity remaining,
blind and alone, pain, misery, regret and longing my companions,
old friends, my only family as I try to fight a losing battle against myself.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
meh
I won't treat you like crap, I won't lie to you, I will never cheat on you, I will always listen to you, I will always keep an open mind, I will always love you, I will be there for you, I will help you, I will care for you, I will never degrade or debase you.
For some reason these qualities make me unattractive
For some reason these qualities make me unattractive
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